Recently, I gave a presentation to a group of professional women and it was extremely well received. In fact, several of them followed up with me, thanking me for the opportunity to participate and telling me how much they thoroughly enjoyed it. Good news, right? However, during the presentation, I noticed one of the women was a little distracted. She didn’t engage as much as the other women and I wasn’t really sure that she was finding value in the presentation and ensuing discussions. I could not get this one woman out of my mind and the ‘head trash’ started to engage.
“She must have thought it was stupid. She was wondering why I was wasting her time. She’s thinking that what I have to offer is of no value.”
You get the picture.
It’s amazing that out of 15 women, it appeared that 14 found tremendous value in the time spent, and perhaps one did not; though I wasn’t even sure of that. I’d not heard any real feedback from her. It was all observed behavior, but I had no idea what was really going on in her head. Yet this is what I chose to focus on. The one perceived failure, rather than the 14 successes.
So in order to put this in perspective, I called the one person that I know who will always listen and give me straightforward feedback. My very first coach: my mom.
After sharing the story, my mother quickly came up with a different perspective.
“Lynn, what voice is it in your head that is focusing on that one woman? It’s your ego. Your ego needs to be stroked to feel good about yourself and about what you do. Your ego is telling you that you need to be perfect. Your ego is looking for the defect and focusing on it. You need to put your ego in time out! In fact, maybe you should give your ego a name and tell them that you don’t have time to listen to that kind of talk and they need to go sit in the corner. Take control and send them packing.”
So I did! Try it for yourself. It is amazing. By the way, her name is Samantha.
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2 comments:
Lynn,
Giving a name to our ego and putting it in timeout is brilliant! THANK YOU!
What a great idea! I think I'll name mine "Betty Lou". Alison Deary
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