Communication: a two way street

Ever been in a meeting where you are privileged to listen to a team member who loves to listen to the sound of his/her own voice?  Have you ever been that person?  Sometimes, in a group or presentation setting, we tend to hold the reigns and never release them. It’s important to remember that there is a stark difference between effectively communicating and ‘talking at.’

Talking AT someone is a one-sided conversation. Have you ever been angry or frustrated with someone, so you make it your mission in life to make sure she understands what has upset you? You then spend a large amount of time explaining why (fill in the blank) was such a bad idea. We’ve all done it.

In effective communications, we are actually relaying a message. We are giving and receiving information. Communication can range anywhere from sitting down with your children and discussing their day at school over the dinner table (and LISTENING), to participating in a tele-conference with several different offices across the state or country.

Effective communication can be a tricky skill to learn. We’re often programmed through experience, that if we want to get a message across we’d better get it out there with force. Unfortunately, when we’re forcing our message, we’re not necessarily communicating effectively.

So, how do we effectively communicate in a team or group setting?

1. Who is your audience? If you’re communicating with your co-workers or working peers, you will want to communicate differently than if you are communicating with your son’s soccer team. Know your audience, what they want and what they expect.

2. Meet somewhere comfortable, if at all possible. Who ever felt good going to the principal’s office? It's not usually a comfortable place.  Make sure the room is the right size, the place is appropriate for the topic, etc.

3. Maintain eye contact with your audience. WE may believe that in staring out the window at the falling snow, our message is being conveyed, but we lose credibility immediately with the receivers of our message.  How in the world do we maintain eye contact with those on the phone? Remain focused on the conversation. Don’t let your mind wander. Don’t look out the window daydream about sipping hot chocolate in front of the fireplace, curled up with a great book. Focus on your audience.  Be present in the conversation.

4. Keep your audience involved. Ask for feedback during the conversation. Call on others for their input.  Ask their opinions.  If people may be asked to participate, they are more likely to pay attention,  stay engaged and contribute to the communication.

5. Take turns. Nobody likes a ball hog. Nobody likes a conversation hog. Sounds a bit like the playground in a way, doesn’t it?

6. Be polite. This may need to be at the top of the list, and honestly, it should be a no-brainer, but sometimes we forget. Treat others the way we want to be treated. A little respect goes a long way, in both directions.

7. If someone has a great idea, let them know! Don’t be bashful!

8. Be confident and know your topic. It’s human to be a little uncomfortable in many situations, but “Never let ‘em see you sweat.”

9. Be sincere. General George S. Patton said, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”

10. BE POSITIVE. You’re far more likely to be successful in your communication if you keep it positive. There is always a bright side. Don’t sugar coat the negative, but keep the conversation as upbeat as possible.

Effective communication is an art. If we follow a few simple steps, most of which are common sense after seeing them in print, maybe we can spend more time effectively communicating, and far less time simply talking.

www.lynnzettler.com

Remember to spend some quality time on you!

Tips to Becoming a Successful Leader

Have you heard the saying “Leaders are born, not made?”  I’m not sure I completely buy into that belief.  Yes, you can see that some children just naturally take on a leader vs. a follower role.  But I can also give you many examples of people who were typical followers most of their life, and learned over time how to lead and influence others.  I just can’t quite embrace the idea that leadership is a niche dug out only for a select few. I believe that anyone with a burning desire and the proper training and guidance can become a successful leader.

In my career as an Executive and Professional Coach, I’ve assisted many people who are moving up the chain in their careers. I’ve worked with very successful people and companies in creating their paths and strategies to catapult them to the next level. While I can’t promise that you’ll be promoted to the next level, I can give you some pointers and the rest is up to you.

1. Maintain your integrity.   For me integrity is the highest value we can have as human beings.  As we are moving up in our careers, we’re often faced with tough decisions. It would be simple to turn away or falsify information to move ahead. You will ultimately pay the price if you sell yourself in this manner. Remain true to yourself at all times, even if you are faced with embarrassment.  Once you’ve lost your integrity, it’s very difficult to get it back.

2. Accept responsibility and be accountable. As a leader, you will not only accomplish great things, but you will also fall flat on your face. Nothing builds respect faster with peers and followers than a leader who can say, “I did (fill in the blank), it didn’t work, but here’s what I learned.”

3. Beg for forgiveness, not for permission. Don’t abuse this. Remember the responsibility angle. As a leader, you must be willing to take educated chances without all of the information, and sometimes you want to ‘just do it’.  You want to take risks,  just make sure they are calculated and that you can afford them.

4. Be a positive role model. Negative will happen, but find a way to learn from it and share the lesson to others.  Keep the positive vision in front of your team.  Find out what they need to stay motivated, and give it to them.

5. Always look for ways to improve yourself and the company.  Be a life long learner.

Many times, companies will hire me to work with their pipeline of leadership potentials, so to speak, to help them acquire the mindset, coaching skills, and belief systems of great leaders, as well as to define their own personal visions of success.  Many of us have the capability to lead, we just don’t know how to pull all the pieces together in the most successful way.  A certified coach can assist with helping leaders fully implement all the pieces that they have at their disposal in order to make their mark and fulfill their personal and professional vision of success.  I look forward to hearing from you.

www.lynnzettler.com

Remember to spend some quality time on you!

Recognizing Stress In Your life.

I was pondering the title of this article (because, who doesn't “ponder” this and that during the course of their day?), and was struck with how immensely helpful it would be for someone to come up with a meter of sorts to check our stress level.  We have mood rings, but they aren’t “stress meters” so to speak, and they probably are not quite as accurate anyway.  There are meters for diabetics to measure blood sugar.  We even have meters to check radioactivity levels when necessary.   What would we do differently if our stress meter showed our stress level to be in the 'red danger' zone?

We can’t eliminate stress completely.  Stress is a by-product of our daily lives.  All of us have stress:  good stress, bad stress and we all handle it differently.  Stress can be beneficial:  it motivates us to move forward, keeps us engaged in our lives and the world around us and it gives us energy to face the day.

As with anything else in our lives, anything in excess can prove to be a negative.  Stress is no different, and unfortunately, too many of us wait until we’ve lost control to address it.  Once we’ve walked the plank and jumped into the waters of stress, we begin to drown slowly.

1.       We over eat.
2.       We avoid activities which once brought us pleasure.
3.       We begin to get physically ill.
4.       We’re irritable.
5.       We have trouble sleeping.

This is just the beginning.  There are potentially dozens of adverse effects caused by stress.
How do we go about recognizing stress in our lives?  How can we back off from the plank before we’re sent over the edge?   Look for some symptoms.  The key is to know yourself:

1.        Are you losing sleep?
2.       Are your emotions erratic?
3.       Are you abusing substances (alcohol, cigarettes, even over the counter drugs such as Tylenol pm or the like?)
4.       Are you physically ill (upset stomach, cramps, backaches, or headaches)?
5.       Are you moody, full of worry, suspicious, angry or anxious?

Once we recognize that we are feeling stressed, it’s important that we establish the source.   What's one thing we can change in our behavior and our patterns to help alleviate some of that stress?  Are there people with whom you may need to spend more/ less time?  In all reality, there's typically not a “quick fix”, but there are things we can do to help us out.

What can be done to help “burn up” some of the stress we have?

1.       Exercise.
2.       Explore dietary supplements.  Often times, we’re lacking in certain vitamins and minerals.  Simply adding supplements may help.
3.       Explore our lives to see if there are issues that can be altered or changed – talk to a counselor or a certified coach to lay out a plan to change our lives in a positive manner.
4.       Learn to meditate or listen to calming music.

Stress isn’t our enemy, it can be our friend.  Too much of anything in our lives, however, can prove to be detrimental.  Before anything negative becomes all consuming, take the time for yourself and take actions to address your stress and move in a positive direction.

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Habits of Highly Productive People

I am absolutely fascinated with biographies of successful people. It's almost shameful to say, but everyone from world leaders to pop icons fascinate me. How did they become the successes that they are? How did Donald Trump buy up some real estate and turn it into an empire? How did Tiger Woods take a golf club as a small boy, smack a golf ball, and turn it into millions?  How did the Williams sisters stay motivated to become champions in tennis?   And how in the world did Lady Gaga do it? I know these examples are extreme.

When you look at the success of any leader, they have specific habits that assist in keeping them on track. There are certain methodologies that guide leaders and help them maintain their level of success or excel ahead of the pack.  Scores of books have been written about the habits of successful people. Certainly, more books will make their way to the top of the best seller list in the future. If you go to Google, and type in "habits of productive people," you will be given hundreds of links to blogs or other websites with advice.  Here are some disciplines and traits I have always found necessary to be highly productive:

1.  Dream. I read somewhere once that a dream is a wish your heart makes...Walt Disney, maybe?  It makes sense.  But once you have your dream, write it down.  Be realistic. I can never be the Pope (and don't want to be).  I can never be the starting forward for the Boston Celtics or the quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts (Peyton would be hard to beat out anyway).  There are limits, but why can't I dream of becoming a bestselling author?  Why can't I dream of becoming the CEO of a multimillion dollar company that I found?  Who is to say what my limits are?

2. Set regular and realistic goals geared towards making your dream a reality. Goals have been hammered, and honestly they are a topic all their own. I wrote a blog entry regarding goals not long ago.
 

3. Surround yourself with positive people.  Research is abundant to reinforce this.  If you hang with a group of people that are negative and are convinced they are failures, you will begin to think as they think. Negativity is the poison to success.  Find a network of people that think as you think and are as successful as or more so than you.  If you aspire to be a successful real estate broker, find a real estate broker willing to take you under their wing.  If you desire to have a short story published, find an author to mentor you and a publicist with faith in you.  If you can't find anyone in a similar field, find people who GENUINELY believe in your talents.  Networking groups are all over the place.  Find one specific to your dreams and build a network.

4. Never stop learning.  We live in a very fast-paced world.  If we simply want to maintain the status quo, we have to keep up with the status quo.  If we want to exceed the status quo, we have to get ahead of the curve. Take classes, get coaches and attend seminars.  If you stop learning, you will stop growing.

5. Never forget where you came from.  We all have a mission.  We all have a job to do and we're all at different levels of learning in our life.  The kid behind the counter at a restaurant or the waitress filling your drink request is part of your plan in one way or another.  I'll never forget my waitressing days.  Don't forget where you are now when you reach that star you are shooting for.  Don't forget to help those that follow.



It's so easy to sit back and read a blog entry, get excited, and REALLY work towards your dreams and goals, short-term.  It's not so easy to keep motivated or to keep the dream alive.  Sometimes you need a helping hand and a supportive partner to walk with who will always challenge you to be the best you can be.  Sometimes you need guidance along the way. Give me a call or contact me through my website (http://lynnzettler.com/contact.html) to see how I may assist you in stepping into your own success.

www.lynnzettler.com

Remember to Spend Some Quality Time On You!